I walk inside to my parents’ home yesterday and almost into the dozens of boxes and bubble wrap that now fills the living room.
A wave of emotion comes over me that I did not expect. This is what we were praying for, needing, the sale of this home. Why then does my stomach sink and my eyes fill with tears?
The memories, oh the memories built here. My childhood home. The place where I learned to crawl and walk and ride a bike. Where I hung posters on my bedroom walls and wrote prayers in my closet.
I walk into my room, now unrecognizable as ever having been mine. It’s staged with an oak bedroom set, flowery linens and curtains to match. One would never know of the dreams that originated within those walls. The nights spent longing to be far away from where I was. Little did I know I’d be standing here at 30 years old crying at the thought of never being able to be here again.
I came to help my mother pack, I was little help as my tears triggered hers. The only way I knew how to cope was to joke about taking her beautiful furniture ‘off her hands.’
What is a home? What does it represent? Your life, the formation of your very self happened within those walls. How can a part of you not be lost along with the sale of it?
Will this new family understand the love that happened here? Will they appreciate the blood, sweat and tears my parents put into raising four children inside these walls? And why? Why must my mother be robbed of her beautiful home when she should be able to enjoy it the most?
These are the questions I will ask God on the other side of heaven. You must remember a house is just that, a house. Home is where your family is. Not in the walls of a structure. Not in the photos but in the events that happened in them.
Let yourself cry and grieve because I am. My father is sick, needing 24 hour care from my mother and they need this money from the sale of their home to do what is required to help heal my dad’s brain. I hate that this is the reason for the sale of my childhood home. If my father is healed I will thank this house all the more, for the money it provided to care for them both.
A 30 year legacy is coming to an end, but as my sister reminded me it is a new beginning.
So here’s to another 30 year legacy for the both of them – and let God make it 20 times as blessed.